yes really

She said it's like there's this sticky black film that covers everything & **am's ears perked up. He loved the way she sat on her hands but didn't bother to cross her legs. Her hands were calloused from carrying loads of bricks. "Brick by brick," the President had told them, "we will rebuild our nation." "They tell us," she said meaning the television, "that we're all equally as filthy. But it doesn't seem like we were always." A**m argued that the soap we use now is substandard & that's why no one ever gets clean. They talked abt the dark spaces that you never get out of & how knowing makes you even more alone. "Two. Twooo. TWOOOO..." Ad** exclaimed suddenly. "What do you think?" He was having money issues & had taken to trying out diff. neuroses. "The way we're always in each other's way," *v* continued. "but not even conscious of it. Like we're programmed to irritate the fuck out of each other." "TWO!" **am blurted out. But it was too late. They were already looking at one another suspiciously & thinking, "Maybe you're just as filthy as the rest." Luckily, the moment ended when the robots came. It was time to talk abt Race. They both knew from experience that the robots would not go away until they had spent exactly one hour feigning concern over the various ethnic issues that were believed to plague them. So, for the next 60 minutes, their dialogue was replaced by performance.

the sound of one fist bumping itself

*da* got tired of picking up discarded paper towels from the bathroom floor at the store where he worked. Men would use towels to protect themselves from the deadly infestations of germs on the doorknob of the bathroom & then throw the towels on the floor behind them. **am's solution was to hold one hand over your eyes while using the other hand to open the door. Doorknob germs are only harmful when they are percieved. **am's idea made him a hero in the Green Movement at 1st & then, like a virus, it was applied to all facets of life. People would cover their ears while berating one another & plug their noses whenever the Gov't was addressing them. This was called A*a's Meme & it allowed people to live their lives more fully than they had in decades.

magasin des entendres

"Ohhh. Zat iss a nice entendre. I sink I may have one more just like it."
"No, really. That's okay."
"You know... Zee uzzer day, I was tossing a salad, no?...for a friend..hehe..who had just dropped zee kids off at zee pool..."
"Excuse me?"
"Are you sure you would not like one more entendre?"
"I really just need the one."

compromise

by chad_wthrfrd | Create your own Cartoon at www.toondoo.com

The Elders prayed to a deity named Compromise. They would take all of their toys, high school football trophies, old pictures, love letters, or anything else that might remind them of their youth to an altar that was hidden in the basement of the largest skyscraper in the City. While standing before a marble statue of a schoolmaster w/ ruler in hand, they would banish their memories w/ fire & gasoline. In the same basement, they had built replicas of the Berlin Wall & the Great Wall of China. They also had an impressive collection of velvet ropes- the kind that are used to distinguish the cool from the uncool. Their religion was abt discipline, order, & esp. Architecture. Ambiguity was something that they had invented to draw their lines even darker. What they had not counted on was that their children would be empowered by this golem. The Order of the Stone Heart begat The Order of the Green Fuse & hated it even more for being its own child. I remember when, in grade school, the teacher would suggest that the bully who was antagonizing the poor defenseless girl was actually infatuated w/ her.

10110011101100001 etc

Every one of our idiosynchrasies had its own software. Thinks The Whole World Is Out To Get Him 4.0, Hates Your Ugly Face 5.2, & Laughs Incessantly To Keep From Crying 5.7 were only a few. That awful sucking sound that your husband made while eating was more than likely the invention of some overpaid computer geek. Human qualities that we perceived as being sinister, corrupt, or just impractical were all a part of the landscape. One of the things that made **am's job so irritating was always having to search for unknown titles of books. What no one knew was that the books were never given titles. Search engines were programmed to create titles from the criteria that was entered into them. It was never incidental. What we saw was what was there- there was no forest, only trees.

help yourself to some nothing

The guy must have been tailgating S**ve for at least 2 blocks. **eve swerved abruptly into the next lane while lowering his window. As soon as the man was within earshot of St**e, he shouted into the guy's open window. "Hey! You win!! Help yourself to some Nothing!" Then he gave the guy the 1-800 number that would allow him to collect his prize. What the man had taken for Sarcasm was actually quite generous. Later, he was pleased to discover that although his prize was Nothing, it was a rather large quantity of it.

you are incomplete

One of the girls, Kathy, was reading Let's Face It, Men Are S@#t by Joseph W. Rock & Barry L. Duncan, while the other girls read celebrity gossip magazines. Kathy looked at the other girls while throwing the book down on her desk. "Let's face it! Men are s@#t!" she exclaimed. Another girl, Desiree, wrinkled her forehead and replied, "I don't know. I feel incomplete if I don't have a man." E**, whose face had been buried in her laptop, looked directly at & pointed at Desiree's prosthetic right leg. She had lost her leg years ago in a nearly fatal automobile accident. "Yeah, but you are incomplete," said **e. The girls laughed & returned to their reading.